Thursday, May 16, 2013

Coping with the Hard Times

I don't like to think about the bad things in life because there's a lot of them, but I don't like dwelling on them. Life is too short to be negative and sad. But I'll still participate since the prompt not only asks for a hardship but also how I'm getting through it.

"You knew what you were getting into"

I hate this when people say this to me when I'm bumming out about being a military wife.

It's not true. How can that possibly be true? There's no way to know how difficult it would be. I got a preview of it while we were dating so I thought I could handle it, no problem. But everything is amplified 1,000 times over once I was in it everyday.

When we were dating I was in Portland in my home with my friends and my family and my life. When we got married I was trying to make a new life with my husband who was sometimes there...most times not. He went on two TDY's within the first 6 months of our marriage. The first TDY was within a month of our wedding. This year he'll be gone 7-8 months because of the TDY earlier this year and deployment going on now. There's rumors that there will be another TDY by the end of the year. Most likely Will won't go, but he's a 7-level and he's good at his job and he's easy to get along there's always that chance they'll take him.

Even when he's here, we go weeks without spending time together. There are stretches of long hour days that only allow him to come home with enough time to eat and sleep before he needs to be back at work. Sometimes he comes home reeking of fuel or some other jet fluid and it's so bad that he has to strip down and leave his clothes outside. Sometimes we have a whole conversation that I don't understand because it's all maintainer or military jargon. I just nod, smile, and listen as best that I can.

My husband is a hard worker and a nice guy. So when a coworker asked to switch weekends before the deployment, he said yes even though he already worked his weekend. He picked up a weekend shift out of the goodness of his heart. He stays late because he feels guilty if he isn't in the last group out. He goes in at least 30 minutes early so that the person he's turning over can get home sooner. I love that I love a man like him. But sometimes I wish he would be a selfish ass so he would ditch out and be home with me longer or spend more time talking to me.

All this stuff...I didn't know about it before. I didn't know how truly hard it would be.

But I also love all of it. I love him. I love saying I'm an Air Force wife. I'm so proud of him. I'm proud to be married to him. And that's how I get through the bad parts. Love and pride.


  1. I've really thought about that whole "You knew what you were signing up for" thing with military wives before...and I've thought the same thing. I don't think there's any possible way to know what it's like to be without your husband when you haven't already done it. Being married feels quite different from dating or any other relationship with people you love very much. I experienced it on a very little level--we we were going to get married, Angel was offered a night shift job, and I told him sure, he should take it, that wouldn't bother me. It's not like we really had a choice because all entry-level nursing jobs in our city were night shift. I thought it wouldn't be hard at all. I mean, we never spent any nights together until after we were married so how much could I possibly miss him at night, while sleeping? During the next year and a half I found out that that could be a lot! Plus he was so tired from constantly switching between staying up all night and staying up all day that I felt like I didn't really get my husband back until he switched to day shift!
    I bet you are proud of him, and you should be!

  2. I hate when people say that to me. I also dislike those E-Cards that say that our friends can't miss their spouses when they are on business trips because our men are gone more. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings. Everyone is entitled to miss their significant other and they are entitled to get frustrated at their circumstances. And even if we "know" that our men will be gone, knowing doesn't help the pain and loneliness on missed birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, or even when it's been a bad day and we just need a hug.

    Thanks to you and your husband for your sacrifices. They don't go unnoticed.

  3. I am just entering this military lifestyle I have been with my boyfriend almost 4 years but he is in the reserves right now altough, hes contemplating active duty. He still leaves on assingments a lot and people dont understand what I do and why I do it. For him. No one gets it so I apprecaite your blog!

  4. I hate when people say that to me too! I get really aggravated by it.

  5. I love this. I almost posted the exact same thing!
    Once I had a best friend that said that to me... she said "You knew what you were getting into."
    "What did you expect?"
    "Seriously, don't be one of THOSE wives."

    Again, I say I once had a best friend who said...

    People are quick to judge. Its horrible.
    Love your blog! And we're halfway done with this challenge!! :)

  6. Wow, thanks for sharing this. I'm in a long distance relationship, but I can imagine that a long-distance marriage is even harder. I have a friend who is a military wife and this gives me a lot more insight into her situation. I don't think it's complaining and I think it's insensitive for people to say "you knew what you were getting into." Does that make it any better? Like you can just find some other guy who is exactly the same but isn't in the military? Umm, no.